Monday, February 4, 2013

A cock in the hand is worth two for a bush?


Get a hold of yourself Evan!

 
Please read the first panel before jumping into the discussion. The very last panel is merely an earlier version for comparisons sake as I was editing while posting this!

Annabelle Raven-Hyde volunteered to be one of the people turned into a she-male in a caption I was planning on making. Before I had even asked, the photo was put into the caption setting and was awaiting a story to fill it. I knew I wanted to use the picture, because Serena is quite hot and its a good pose to work into a plot line .. but wasn't planning to write until I had my target.

While I wasn't going to hit on all of her preferences, I still wanted to make it as much of a "trade caption" as I could, and I think the only thing I didn't do was the "you can make me a T-girl (please don’t show male genitalia and please use a GG model)" but that (1) really couldn't be helped because of the picture choice I had already made, and (2) its not like she's cradling some sort of fire hose like some futa drawing. I won't post it to her trading folder unless she gives me permission, as I don't want others to necessarily see it there and then think that its alright under normal circumstances to ignore that big exclusion in her preferences.

This is one of those few times where I actually had TOO MUCH to work with and needed to really practice brevity. I type right into the captions themselves, as it usually is a good guide to how much I need to place in them, but I was going WAY over the allotted space, and I wasn't even close to being done. The main problem was that I wanted Evan to have enough exposition to explain what was going on, but I also needed Deidre to give a typical evil-scientist monologue. (I'm actually doing some last minute editing as I type this, so I can hopefully balance both sides more evenly.) I finally determined that I could say what I needed to with a 66/33 percent split between what Deidre says and Evan's response. Even the text in condensed in size and density compared to what I usually use.

In looking at most of Annabelle's captions, she really enjoys working with a family dynamic, and there is usually some sort of willing character that brings others into the fold. Its that nature that gave me the whole storyline, albeit in a roundabout and more diabolical way. Because of that, I do think that I have complied with most of the demands of her preferences and that I think she'll enjoy this caption in the spirit of creativity and stretching ones boundaries occasionally. And somehow, as fucked up as it may be, it truly *IS* a happy ending for all parties involved!

I mentioned it in the last post, but I really am proud of this caption, and it probably shows in this blog post. I don't recall this plot line happening too often, and I've read a metric shit ton of stories on Fictionmania and viewed thousands of captions on the Haven and on other websites.

The version below is the working copy I had uploaded last night as a temporary draft, in case work was dull and boring and I had a chance to write up the body of this post. As luck would have it, I didn't have any real spare time (for a few minutes, I chatted with Rachel about the 49er's loss and made sure she was feeling ok) and because of that, I got the desire to refine the body of the text while at home. For the people here that haven't done many captions, THIS is what we refer to when we talk about tightening up the captions, and figuring out what words work best, what can stay, what needs to go .. and how to make sure the words flow the best they can. I added a sentence or two, but mostly it was tweaking lines for maximum impact, removing repeated words, and breaking out the thesaurus!


I hope you enjoyed this caption breakdown. I don't often post brand new captions that were finished right before I post here, so I had more on my mind than usual, and so perhaps less structured, but hopefully more informative in a "in the moment" fashion.

I'm not sure if it will end up on the Haven, so for now, its a blog exclusive. Because of that, I would certainly like to see comments directly about the caption itself, along with anything that people would like to discuss about the procedure of how it was made and why I went with the final decisions that I ended up making. Also, I am not fond of the title. I definitely will take suggestions for what to call it ... especially if it ends up being posted in Annabelle's Haven Trading folder.


My Dad is a rocker, through and through. My mom wasn't, though she was quite fond of Blondie and REM. My mom actually looked like Blondie does in this video when I was young ... very stylish and very blonde! Remember everyone .. dreaming is free!

10 comments:

  1. I actually didn't see the twist coming. Never would have guessed that he set up his wife. Now Deidre wouldn't be associated with Deidre Ann Hall who played Marlena Evans on Days of our lives? And that might explain the name Evan also.. LOL! You have me thinking and searching names now... Oh and Great Cap Dee, I enjoyed it..

    xoxoxo Katie

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    1. I did the story specifically for the twist. I like taking popular conventions in regards to TG tropes and put a hopefully fresh spin on them, or at least expand them in subtle ways. This one isn't too subtle though; it tears it apart I think!

      I used Deidre because I like putting myself in captions, and Deidre sounds like a upstanding citizen version of Dee .. at least before Evan corrupts her! Besides, doesn't being a 'mistress' to a shemale (who was your husband) that technically subs from the top sound kind of sexy? What other personalities has Evan put into her?

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    2. That is a very (Mommy have another Valium, I'll be outside with the pool boy, maha, maha, maha) name. And I agree it leaves it open to make up more in our minds. Which I love when you do and you do it often. I did wonder what else Evan may have forced into her new mind. Loved it!

      xoxoxo Katie

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  2. A fantastic caption that I'm sure Anne will love ^_^ I really like the twist at the end. Hypnosis always gets me going.

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    1. When I answered that question a few posts ago about "why don't you make any captions for yourself?" I think that this one sort of answers it pretty well. The end result is pretty awesome in my opinion and the trip to get to that final piece of work was a hell of a lot of fun!

      I know that *I* would be pretty happy if someone had made this for me!

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  3. Very good cap Dee. I think you did an exceptional job in tightening it up. The early version wasn't bad, but it just didn't have the sparkle that the 2nd version does. And I hear ya on breaking out the thesaurus... I can't count how many times I'm typing into Google 'someoddword synonyms'! It's actually fun to find slightly different words to use as they all give their own shade and feeling to the cap.

    Good job!

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    1. I had noticed that I used "your" quite a bit and wanted to veer off from using it too much unless I was emphasizing it, which I wasn't necessarily trying to do so. I had also used "new" and "sissy" and tried to work around it while still being as direct as it should have been. Since words paint a direct picture of WHAT is happening, since the image is static, I feel you must use each word as best befits the story.

      In making this one, I probably should have used your method of writing it up ahead of time in Word before putting it into the caption setting BUT at the time, I had the idea and didn't think it needed that much space. In that, I was VERY wrong. I think this is another caption where I think that Sara/Belladonna would do a great job in fleshing this out into a full story without too much trouble, and it'd be a great "oblivious hypnosis" story with a Shyamalan bent.

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  4. WOW! First off, I love the alabaster skin tone and "adventurous" eyes of "Evan." The story did have the cool twist. I'm glad you see my long standing desire to have "heroines" who can embrace their new lifestyle, whether they wanted it or not. And definitely, the revenge of any bitch who tries to shame me as a sissy - oh really?

    Thank you so much Dee, I certainly would also enjoy anyone else who could pick up this story - me included. :)

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  5. Excellent twist Dee and Serena is my favorite shemale of all time!

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  6. this actually reminds me of a herbal liquor I once tasted.
    Strong and spicy at the first zip, burning hot when finished
    I loved it! (the liquor as well;-) )
    Helena

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